Velvet Lips | Women! Stop Waiting for Your Orgasms!
Velvet Lips is one of Atlanta’s first sex-positive sex education venues offering classes and workshops using Somatic Sex Education and other techniques to foster personal discovery, open dialogue, and increase sexual awareness.


Women! Stop Waiting for Your Orgasms!

15 Sep 2017, by Marla Stewart in Sex Arsenal Blog

Generally, about 80% of women do not have orgasms through penetrative sex. 

So what does this mean?

Logically, it means, women need to have other kinds of sex besides penetration.  Penetration can be fun, and it can even lead to orgasm, but for the most part, a lot of women don’t experience orgasm through penetration.  In fact, with some women, they may even rush you to penetration because they probably know that sex might be over at that point and they just want to get it over with.


And this is why I do the work that I do.  Women need to have orgasms.  Maybe you don’t know the benefits of orgasm, but for the most part, a lot of people know the benefits of orgasm.  Lately, I’ve been getting questions from women about improving their sex life with their male partners.  The problem is, is that they aren’t having orgasms and haven’t had orgasms in 10+ years with their partners.

I don’t know about you, but not having orgasms for over 10+ years is a non-negotiable for me and this should also be a non-negotiable for other women, as well.  A lot of heterosexual women think that their body is there for men and that their sexual pleasure is rooted in the man’s pleasure.  The fact of the matter is, men need women’s orgasms.  Men need women’s orgasms in order to grow bonds with them so they don’t cheat.  Men need women’s orgasms because it can help with their sexual confidence (and, in turn, can help foster their own sexual pleasure).  Men need women’s orgasms because it makes them feel useful and can help them focus (even outside the bedroom).

However, men aren’t the focus for this article.


Even though men benefit greatly from women’s orgasms, women fare much better when they are having orgasms.  Women need orgasms because it helps us stay younger.  Women need orgasms because it helps stimulate our brains.  Women need orgasms because it helps to prolong your life.  Women need orgasms because it can help us with stress and sleep. Women need orgasms because it can help with pain (try masturbating to orgasm when you have menstrual cramps) Women need orgasms because it may help them from cheating on their partner. 

The problem is, is that women don’t prioritize their orgasm.  They may find sexual pleasure when they are engaging in various sexual acts, but if they don’t come to orgasm, something in them starts to fade.  There’s something powerful about the orgasm that transcends the bedroom (or wherever you’re having sex).  The ability to tap into the energy of the universe and a touch of enlightenment, or manifesting your fantasies while coming to orgasm is pure magic and I want every person, especially every woman, to experience the magic in orgasm.

Now, not every sexuality educator agrees with me.  Some sex educators say that engaging in sex is all you need to experience the benefits and having an orgasm is just an extra bonus.

I disagree.  Orgasm is a necessity for connection.  Orgasm is a necessity for getting the love you want and desire.  Orgasm is a necessity for growth and progress. 

Can you live without an orgasm?  Sure.  Would you want to?  I don’t think so.  There are too many benefits that you’d be missing out on if you’re not having orgasms.

So, if you’re not having orgasms through penetrative sex, you need to change it up, get to know your body, and figure out how to climax to the best of your abilities.

Cheers to your sexual success!

  • Lance Robinson Reply

    I totally agree with you in that a man needs his woman to have orgasms. It bonds them closer together, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. In almost every case when I’m able to bring a woman to have orgasms, especially if she’s never had one, she remembers me for life. If she experiences multiple orgasms, women sometimes think she’s in love with me, but I know better. I don’t know about other men,but I make it my purpose to bring her to orgasm and beyond. Nothing turns me on more than when the woman I’m in bed with reaches the point of orgasm and completely loses her mind in it. A real orgasm cannot be faked! Most men are satisfied when a woman fakes because it makes him feel good. She on the other hand is left feeling unfulfilled again. It’s business as usual . As a man, I feel and believe that it’s my responsibility to find out what it takes to get her there. Passionate foreplay is , in my opinion, is the first place to start. A man must pay close attention to her body and what it responds to. Close attention!
    I think I’ve said enough at this time. Because I am very passionate about this topic, I tend to talk to much for some, but not enough for others. However, if you want more, I am available. It’s been a pleasure!
    Thank you for your time,

  • LaPebbles Reply

    Lance, where have you been all my life??? I wish all men would really view things as you do..