Velvet Lips | Reclaim Your Sexual Identity!
Velvet Lips is one of Atlanta’s first sex-positive sex education venues offering classes and workshops using Somatic Sex Education and other techniques to foster personal discovery, open dialogue, and increase sexual awareness.


Reclaim Your Sexual Identity!

29 Apr 2015, by Marla Stewart in Sex Arsenal Blog

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

– Children’s Taunt


When it comes to sexual identities, there are so many to name and so many to choose from.  Depending on your evolution of self, you can figure out which one works for you.  I had a recent lover who asked me if I was polyamorous.  I told them that I understand polyamory theoretically and academically, but putting it into practice wasn’t my thing (I did try it and figured out that it wasn’t for me) and that I belong to another non-monogamous group of ‘monogamish.’  The fact is, I really can’t deal with more than one emotional relationship at a time (I just don’t have the patience for it, nor the time).

For many years, words such as ‘queer,’ ‘pervert,’ and ‘freak’ were deemed as “bad” words, used to insult people for their “deviant” behaviors.  Things that were considered different from procreation and missionary position were looked down upon and some of those beliefs are still considered true today in some cultures.

Because we are living in the information age, a lot of people have access to various sexual phenomena and find themselves being able to name their particular sexual quirks.  From kinksters to swingers to sploshers, there’s always something empowering about taking back a word that has insulted you in the past or was considered deviant.

I remember being in San Francisco and learning that I was one of the queers.  It was a great word for me.  It described everything that I was – different, unique, sexually powerful and confident in what I wanted and whom I wanted.  I learned later on that it was a word that had been used as a negative for people in the past (I grew up in a small town where the word ‘queer’ wasn’t even in my vocabulary).

This struck a chord with me.  It made me believe that it doesn’t matter what you think sometimes, sometimes, it matters what other people think of you.

If you feel powerful with words that have been used as a negative, people can see how that energy affects you.  People can see how powerful and confident you are if you embrace the words.  Then, they know that the words that they see as a negative to you, isn’t a negative to you – and then, they’re left with less power than what they perceived in the first place.  However, if you don’t portray that confidence in your identity, it will eventually eat at you and then you start placing other people’s feelings on your identity.  This can harm your self-worth and debilitate your self-esteem.  And personally, it’s not worth it.

All this, to say that, from the bottom of my heart, I want you to embrace your inner queer, your inner pervert, your inner freak, your kinky self, and overall, your sexual self.  Embrace that inner Jezebel, that Don Juan, that loving body.

Love the body you’re in.  Love the body you’re on.  Love the body you’re inside of.  😉  Embrace you.

Cheers to your sexual success!


“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!”

– Rihanna (and all those other perverts in the world)