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Do you have a fear that you need to address in your sexual life? Is there something that you haven’t said to a lover or partner and waiting for the right time to bring it up, but that time never comes? Whether you realize it or not, you might be holding back something that you want to say to your lover because you want to spare their feelings or maybe you’ve given up on an aspect of your sex life that you’ve decided to put on the backburner because your needs weren’t getting met.

Regardless of the fear, there are ways to get through your fears. Even if you’ve had to work through sexual trauma or you have ideas of introducing new things to your lover(s), there are plenty of approaches that you can take to make sure that you can move past your fears and let them be a thing of the past. Here are a few ways to move past your sexual fear and be closer to sexual freedom!

1) Recognize Your Fear. Do you know exactly what your fear is? Do you know what’s keeping you from moving forward? Being able to recognize your fear and name your fear brings you to your first step toward being a better lover. Whether you’re afraid of hurting your lover’s feelings or being vulnerable enough to relax and enjoy an orgasm, to quote GI Joe, “knowing is half the battle.” Self-awareness is key.

2) Now that you know what your fear is, the next step is to face the challenge head on. Before you address the problem, your first question should be “what’s the worst that could happen?” When you ask yourself this question, you give yourself the ability to be prepared for whatever may come your way. You can think of all the different responses that you’re able to prepare yourself with and come up with a counter-narrative that will reflect positively on your situation or the wanted outcome of your situation. With this re-imagined positive affirmation on your side to work against the negative response, you’re already embodying the outcome that you desire and it’s more likely to happen once you already have “lived through” the repercussions.

3) Push Through! Now, that you’ve found yourself in the situation and you’re ready for any response that comes your way, it’s now time to go ahead and muster up that courage! Facing your fear in real time when you’re already prepared, not only helps you build confidence for the future, but it helps you in the actual moment. Emotional stress is actually subconsciously contagious, so if you’re too stressed out during a sexual moment, your lover is going to sense it, whether they know it or not. However, if you overcome that emotional stress and provide a “false” confidence, that confidence will also be transferred emotionally; eventually, that feeling of “false” will drop off and you’ll be confident in your abilities to overcome any other fears that you may have to face for the future.

Moving past your sexual fears is as simple as these 3 steps. Some of you may not think so, but I promise that these 3 steps are a surefire way to get over your fears and gain the sexual confidence that you need to empower yourself to have a productive sexual life. If any of you have any stories that relate to your sexual fears, I’d love to hear them! If you’ve implemented these steps, that’s even better!

Cheers to your sexual success!