Velvet Lips | Get Out of Your Sexually Complacent State of Mind
Velvet Lips is one of Atlanta’s first sex-positive sex education venues offering classes and workshops using Somatic Sex Education and other techniques to foster personal discovery, open dialogue, and increase sexual awareness.


Get Out of Your Sexually Complacent State of Mind

18 Jun 2015, by Marla Stewart in Sex Arsenal Blog

Recently, I’ve had a few friends come up to me and ask about their sexual relationships with their partners.  They’ve all been in long-term relationships who have been suffering at the hands of time and the lack of sexual motivation.

The fact is, sometimes when we get into relationships that are loving, important and mean the world to us, we often let things like sex, slip underneath the radar because of the day-to-day activities and things.  The problem starts festering if we start to get sexually complacent with our lovers.  When we become sexually complacent with our lovers, we then start forgetting how to initiate sex.  When we forget how to initiate sex, we then forget how sex makes us feel when we’re actually in the act.  When we forget how sex makes us feel, we start to lose a piece of ourselves that contain one of the most powerful kind of energies out there.  Then, we may lose our pizzazz in other arenas in our life and that spiral downward is a hard one to get out of.

However, there is a way to get out of that state of mind, even if your partner may also be sexually complacent.  The funny thing is, is that once you start to get out of the spiral, your partner picks up on that energy and will follow your lead.  Here are some simple steps to get you out of that downward spiral and bring your sexual relationship with your lover back to life!

  • Plan a sex date. Even if you like spontaneous sex and the thought of having a sex date upsets you, it helps to put your sex life back into motion.  Plan a fun, sexy date with a high expectation of getting some.  The key here is to focus on the expectation and manifest your sexual experience.
  • Get detail-oriented. This means you need to think about what kind of sex you want to have.  In order to establish this, there’s one thing that you need to think about – what your partner would be pleased with.  Would your partner need to ease into sex with missionary?  Or maybe your partner would be pleasantly surprised with a private room at a sex club?  Whatever they would like, make sure you know which moves will be the best moves (aka their favorite sexual positions/techniques) and make sure they happen during the sex part of your date.
  • Reflect on the sex. Because you haven’t had sex in a while, it’s best to reflect on the positive aspects of sex that brought you joy during your sex date.  Whether you do this right afterward or the next day, it’s best to take the time to talk to your lover about what you liked, how they made you feel and what you look forward to for the next time that you have sex.  Reflection helps to drum up those old sparks, as well as start some new fires that you can look forward to for future sexual occurrences.

Getting out of a sexually complacent state of mind is something that is not easy to do.  It takes a dramatic effort and some work, but it’s achievable.  Remember, all relationships take a certain amount of work and it’s up to us to put in the effort to make sure that we keep our relationships fresh, new, and exciting.  If not, it can lead to resentment, stunts in growth and personal evolution and physical/mental/emotional health issues.

Cheers to your sexual success!!!