Velvet Lips | After Meeting Someone Online – Part II
Velvet Lips is one of Atlanta’s first sex-positive sex education venues offering classes and workshops using Somatic Sex Education and other techniques to foster personal discovery, open dialogue, and increase sexual awareness.


After Meeting Someone Online – Part II

27 Feb 2019, by Marla Stewart in Sex Arsenal Blog

So now you’re ready to meet in person after you’ve been exchanging messages and you’re excited to meet your new potential boo.  You have all the hormones running through your system and the new relationship energy is just flowing through you, ready to be released all over your new date.

Here are some key pointers:

DON’T IGNORE THE RED FLAGS.  Most of us have rose-colored glasses on at the beginning and we often fail to see red flags.  With that said, if you meet them for the first time and there are red flags immediately, it’s not going to work.  Don’t ignore the flags; just have a nice date and be on your merry way.  I’ve ghosted a lot in my life when I was younger; yes, it’s non-confrontational, but it is the easiest and less mature way to go about things.  If you want to be more mature, tell them honestly how you feel and leave it that.  They would appreciate that; especially because, then, they can move on how they please and they don’t have time to waste thinking about you.

VOCALIZE WHAT YOU WANT.  Most likely, you’ve already realized that you have a lot of things in common, but there’s so much more to figure out.  What’s most important is to vocalize what you really want (if you’ve been playing it safe and haven’t already).  Vocalizing what you want and who you are, are essential to the sustainability of your possible relationship.  If you bring your representative (your ideal/future self) or your unknown self to the table, it can only cause issues later on; primarily because, for the most part, people don’t change, unless they really want to.  If they are satisfied with who they are as a person, you will meet resistance in the future if you think you have the potential to change them somehow. For example, if you don’t want kids, let them know; you don’t want to go far into your relationship only to know that they don’t want kids when you do.

BE CREATIVE WITH YOUR CONVERSATION.  Small talk is often bland and standard at the beginning of the date, and I think it’s a good ease-in, but don’t forget to be creative with your conversation.  I love asking “what if” questions and seeing how the conversation flows.  Are they a person that just likes to talk about themselves the whole time?  Are they interested in getting to know you as a person?  These are the things that you need to be thinking about as you entertain them with conversation.

BE AUTHENTICALLY AND UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU.  There’s nothing sexier than a person who is confident in who they are and where they are headed.  I have had partners in the past try to tell me that I “shouldn’t do this” or “shouldn’t do that” or change a part of me because it was unpleasant to them.  Of course, they had to go eventually (once the sex started fading), but one of the sexiest things you can do for a person is accept who they are.  In the end, we all just want to be loved and accepted, so if you like and accept the person they are and they like you and can accept the person you are, you are headed in the right direction.

New relationship energy is fun and when our feelings are involved, it’s even more exciting.  However, you need to balance that out with the logic of the situation.  Like, in life, everything needs balance and moderation and too much tilting on one side can be disadvantageous.  Remember, relationship success is built on the tools you have to keep it fresh!

Cheers to your sexual success!