BLOG

I was recently listening to a TEDx talk (like I do a lot), and there was a speaker speaking about the psychology of seduction.  One thing that particularly piqued my interest was the fact that he said that a lot of the seduction and courtship factors bypass the essentiality of seduction.  Because we are moving through the world with more technology and now, more than ever, it’s easy to get a lot of the information you need with just a few clicks, the convenience of sexual potential is relegated to visual, and possibly intellectual capacities.

I’ve been on dating apps very briefly and I personally didn’t find them appealing.  I don’t believe that what’s on the internet comes close to my charisma of when you meet me in person, so I choose to meet people really after only a few email/text/message exchanges.  If you are on the dating apps, there are so many “rules” to get you the best results.

For instance you want to make sure of the following:

• Make sure that your first (profile) picture is accurate; you don’t want people getting lured in because they think you’re a 10 when you’re really a 7 (visually; I’m sure that you’re a 10 when you put your personality in it). Definitely put that 10 pic in, but make sure you balance it with a 7 pic, too.  And make sure it’s you; no one wants to date your child or your dog or the other friend that’s in the pic.  No one has the time to be catfished.
• Put enough information on your profile so that it feels mostly accurate. You can always account for nuances, but for the most part, mention the things that you do/your hobbies.  You need to know who you are, not who you want to be; you can save that for a later date.  You can choose to date potential later on in life.
• Limit your message exchanges. In order to get to really know someone, it would be best to do a video chat or meet in-person.  If someone doesn’t want to meet, then they are probably not looking to be in a serious relationship or they have some other issue going on that you probably shouldn’t be bothered with.  I personally have an email/message limit of 7 at a time.  If you need more than that, then you need to give me a phone call, video chat, Marco Polo, or something of that nature.  When you have so many messages, you are essentially draining a person of their emotional labor.  Now, if you have plenty to spare, good for you, but I don’t have that kind of time to dedicate to a stranger where the relationship isn’t mutually beneficial.
• If they can’t make time for you, RUN. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to make time to be in the relationship?  Put your logic hat on.

So now that you’ve gotten those important tools of online dating, and you’re ready to meet someone in person, there’s an important point that you should know:

What is their unmet need?

This is the question that you need to have in mind if you are seriously thinking about dating someone who has the potential for intimacy.  What is the thing that you can bring into their lives to help build their confidence – not only in you, but in themselves and in their life?

These are just a few questions that you should think about at first, so next week, we’ll dive a little deeper into approaching people when you’ve been online dating.

Cheers to your sexual success!