Velvet Lips » Vulva

Vulva 101

Marla Stewart — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 13:30:00 +0000

Although we talk a lot about the vulva, I’ve noticed when I talk to women and men, they often don’t even know all the parts of the vulva, even when it’s their own! Not only is it my job to educate and empower individuals with the knowledge that they can have for a lifetime, but it’s my job to explain everything that the vulva is capable of and how its beauty is addictive to those who are fans. However, since it’s a brief 101, we’re only going to cover the basics very briefly. If you should have a question about a certain part, please feel free to email me!

Let’s start from the bottom and go to the top:

The anus – Although the anus is not part of the vulva, it’s a very important part. It has many nerve endings and can facilitate in pleasure if done in the correct way. You can also access the G-Spot through the anus. Remember to prepare the anus ahead of time for the most pleasurable results.

The perineum – This is the area that is between the anus and the vaginal canal; one of the entrances into the vulva. It is also an erogenous zone and on the other side of the perineum is the pelvic floor (which, if you are doing your Kegel exercises, you should know what these feel like).

The vaginal canal/opening – One of the best things about the vulva is the entrance to the vaginal canal. The pleasure that comes with just touching the entrance can be a titillating experience. Remember, the mucous membranes of the vaginal canal can feel pleasurable when touched, so take your time and explore that area.

Urethral opening – In addition to urine, ejaculate (which has the consistency of water) will come from this opening. When the G-Spot is stimulated, the ability to ejaculate is available and come with or without orgasm. It is also located in the mucus membrane right above the vaginal opening, but before the clitoris. It is an extremely tiny hole and easy to miss, but can be seen by the human eye!

Inner and outer labia – Outside of the mucus membrane, you have the inner labia. Outside of the inner labia is the outer labia. The purpose of the labia is to protect the urethral and vaginal opening. The labia range in size, shape and are not always symmetrical.

Clitoris & clitoral hood – Right above the urethral opening is the clitoris. It can range in size and can be as small as the tip of a pinky or as large as a thumb. It may or may not be covered by the clitoral hood, which is designed to protect the clitoris and the nerve endings. Particularly, with people who have higher testosterone levels, the clitoris tends to be bigger. In addition, the clitoris’ only function is pleasure.

Mons pubis – Above the clitoris is the mons pubis. You can press down on the mons pubis to stimulate the G-Spot. The function of the mons pubis is to protect the inner organs and it also secretes pheromones after puberty. The fatty tissue that develops over the pubic bone also acts as protection during sexual interaction.

Now that you have your 101 information for the vulva, stay tuned next week for penis 101!

Squirting 101

Marla Stewart — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:00:00 +0000

If you are a lover of the vagina and vulva (I’m almost certain you are!), you may have come across a time or two when you were thinking about how to make her or how you can squirt/ejaculate. A lot of people tell me that they have come across a woman or two who have done it, but nothing that has ever been consistent. Sometimes, it’s not wanted and most of the time, it’s well-appreciated. Squirting and/or getting someone to squirt can be an enjoyable feeling. Squirting can also spark shock, fear, and/or anxiety in some folks; especially if they don’t know what’s going on! Remember, it goes without saying, relaxation and lubrication are a must (and protection if needed or status unknown). Find the G-Spot by starting 1-2 inches in and one inch up. Go towards the sides of the vaginal wall and locate the tissue because it’s different in every person.

Whether you’re the squirter (the one who squirts) or the squirtee (the one who gets squirted on), here’s some helpful tips to maximize the enjoyment from your squirting experience.

“I’m a squirter. I ALWAYS squirt.”

If you’re the squirter and you know you’re a squirter, please give that other person the heads up that you’re a squirter. Some people don’t like the idea of surprise squirts (especially in their face), so it’s helpful if you give them the heads up and tell them that you’re a squirter before sex. For example, if you are getting oral sex and say the words “I’m cumming” to them, they may just figure that you’re about to have an orgasm. However, they might not know that that orgasm is going to be coupled with a full mouth of ejaculate, which could possibly ruin a great experience. If they’re into it, great! Your sexual compatibility might be fostered in that instant! Who wouldn’t want to bond over an awesome squirting experience?

In addition, if you’re a squirter, take a moment to prep your space if you can. Ejaculate can flow out of your vagina discreetly or it can push through like a fire hose, so if you know what which kind happens the most, you can prep the space in the best way you can. I recommend getting a nice mattress pad for the bed or ensuring that blankets are covering your furniture. However, even if you don’t have those things, vaginal ejaculate is pretty easy to clean up.

“I like to squirt. I SOMETIMES squirt.”

A lot of us fall in this category of “maybe I will squirt this time?” and there are two ways that we can manage this. To rid any anxiety or doubt, tell your lover that it might happen. Make sure you have that conversation and like the regular squirters, make sure your space is prepped for any incidental happenings.

If you feel yourself getting ready to squirt, it’s a good idea to give your lover a code word or action. An action (particularly during oral sex) can benefit you the best because then your lover won’t think that you’re saying just another dirty talk phrase (if they’re into that sort of thing). A phrase or action that is dedicated only to your squirting incidences can also benefit you in the long run because they can be used again and again and with a steady lover, can even build arousal and anticipation of the incidence.

“I never squirt. But I would LIKE TO squirt.”

For those of you who have never squirted, but would like to know how you can go about achieving it, it’s all about knowing your body and practice, practice, practice. If you truly want to know how you can squirt, you need to know where your G-Spot is and what it feels like. It’s a spongy tissue that feels like the roof of your mouth. Knowing where this is will get you a heads up on where your lover should be spending their time. Although they can stimulate the G-Spot in a variety of ways (including anally), pointing them in the right direction will be useful in experiencing your bliss (I’m a little biased, can’t you tell?).

And although knowing your G-Spot will do you wonders, it’s extremely useful to have very strong core abdomen and pelvic muscles. The stronger these muscles, the easier it is to achieve G-Spot ejaculation. So here’s another excuse to get to those crunches! And remember, it takes patience, commitment and lots of practice!

“I never squirt. And I NEVER want to squirt.”

Too bad for you. You are missing out on a good thing. The only thing about this kind of attitude is that if it happens, you will probably experience a lot of anxiety and embarrassment. You may want to look into an attitude of “I never squirt, but if it happens, it happens and I’m okay with it” in order to maintain healthy sense of well-being with yourself.

“I’m a squirtee and I LOVE it!”

What an awesome job you have, huh? Getting her to squirt can be one of the most enjoyable experiences you have! Finding the G-Spot is probably one of your specialties. Intoxicating her with stimulation to her G-Spot and other areas evoke you to almost orgasm (or maybe even orgasm!). Getting ejaculate on your face and body night be a priority in your eyes because if you please her, inevitably, you please yourself (go ahead and pat yourself on the back). Remembering to be receptive and pay attention to her body is extremely important and it comes pretty easy for you. Just a couple of small pieces advice for the squirtees: 1) don’t get discouraged if you can’t get her to squirt. It happens to all of us. 2) Try to prevent from being on the bottom during the 69 position if she’s a gusher. No one wants to drown, you included.

“I’m a squirtee and I DON’T LIKE it.”

Ask yourself, “what is the reason I don’t like to be squirted on?” Maybe you get turned off by the messiness or the anticipation of fluid you’re not familiar with may throw you off. These are all viable excuses and if your lover is a squirter, you should definitely ask her if she is (if she hasn’t volunteered that information to you already). Then, you can decide if you would like to put yourself in that position of experience something that isn’t pleasant to you. But then again, you never know…

All in all, you are your own sexpert and only you can decide what you want in a sexual situation. Whether squirting is your thing or not, it’s always good to know yourself. Find those spots that titillate you and explore them to the fullest. Remember, there is always room to learn and grow.

Up Your Hand Game

Marla Stewart — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 00:35:00 +0000

How to Up Your Hand Game

“How do I prevent my hand and arm from getting tired when I’m fingering her?”

Fingering someone takes a lot of arm and hand strength, so my first recommendation is to make sure that your arm is up for it. That means doing exercises like push-ups to build up arm strength and stamina. And honestly, practice makes perfect, so the more you practice it, the better at it you will become.

However, if you’re not into doing push-ups every single day and you don’t have someone to constantly practice on, here’s a few things that will help you out.

You want to make sure that she’s warmed up. That’s right. You need a little foreplay. And I’m only saying this because a little foreplay can go a long way. The more you build her up, it will take less time to get her off (hopefully). This means, more kissing, more touching, more teasing, and gentle caresses to her vulva. You want to get her to a point where her temperature is rising, she’s breathing heavily and she’s genuinely interested in taking it a step further.

So how would you know that she’s interested in taking it a step further? You can always ask her in your low, seductive voice. Or you can feel between her legs to see if her crotch is warm or if she’s wet.

If have the green light (consent, please!), then locate her vaginal opening. This doesn’t mean “go in.” It simply means, feel around her vaginal opening and make some circles around it. The vaginal opening is one of the most sensitive places on a woman’s body, so stimulating her by circling it or caressing it gently will have her knowing that you know exactly what to do. Go back and forth between doing this and rubbing around the vulva. You want to get her aroused to the point where she can non-verbally tell you that it is okay to enter.

Once you know it’s okay to enter, do it with grace and with the intention that this is for her pleasure, not your own. Although this may be an activity that turns you on greatly, focusing on her pleasure will ultimately give you pleasure, so it becomes a win-win situation. Start with one finger first and eventually work your way up to more fingers (if need be; you should have already communicated this!).

Rhythmic pacing is best because your bodies can begin to feel in-sync and with her body she can guide you in the right direction of where she is getting the most pleasure. Remember, your goal is to NOT get her to orgasm….wait…who am I kidding here? Of course you want her to have an orgasm! That’s why we have sex with people; to facilitate a connection that could (most likely!) lead to orgasm!

During the rhythmic pacing, focus on 2 pleasure zones: her G-spot and her vaginal entrance. You want to focus on these two spots because these are the spots that have the most feeling. To build up more arousal, slowly take your fingers out and rub around her vulva for a moment. You don’t want to rub too long because the sexual anticipation might be too much for her to stand, so again, gracefully, put your fingers back inside and get to work.

Hopefully, if you’ve built her up with enough enticement, it might not take you as long to get her to orgasm. If she is someone that can sustain a high arousal state, I highly suggest working out your arms, building stamina and practice…because sometimes, that’s the only way!

Perfecting Your Genital Linguistics – For Vulvas Only

Marla Stewart — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 15:46:00 +0000

After teaching my workshop named “Maturing Your Genital Dialect©,” there are always plenty of questions that arise when teaching someone about oral sex techniques. The funny thing about people is that most people think they are the best there ever was, when in fact, we can always strive to do better. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ve met someone who thought they were the best and it didn’t turn out that way. There’s also no doubt in my mind that you know those two or three people who have rocked your world and given you the best orgasms of your life. I bet you’re even reflecting on them now. Since there are plenty of ways to have an orgasm, oral sex is a powerful tool to have in your arsenal. Sometimes it makes people fall in love with you instantly, so make sure you use it wisely. I’ve definitely had to learn that hard lesson!

Communication is necessary because you want to know how to protect yourself if your partner has a sexually transmitted disease/infection (STD/I) or if you have an STD/I, you should definitely communicate this to your partner in order to reduce the risk of infection. Remember, in addition to STD’s you can also pass yeast infections and Bacterial Vaginosis (BV), so if you’re not feeling right about your vaginal health, it’s best to refrain from sexual contact. If there is a need to protect yourself and/or your partner, you can use barriers such as latex gloves (cut the fingers off and then cut up the opposite side of the thumb to form a usable barrier with the thumb acting as a tongue holder) or placing plastic wrap (not the microwaveable kind) in the neat crevices of her vulva and get to it. If you’ve communicated that you are interested in fluid exchanging (not using barriers), be sure that you take on the personal responsibility that comes with that.

First, make sure you use your mouth to find the perfect position to mount her vulva. The clitoris should be your main focus and your lips should be inside of the outer lips. There should always be a slight suction when licking on and around her clitoris. Different women like different things, so be sure that you’re listening to her body. You need to have plenty of moves in your arsenal because the best lover is going to be able to hold an oral sex position from 2-5 minutes and then change to a different oral sex position for the next 2-5 minutes and so on. You want to keep doing this until you find which best 2 or 3 techniques get the best response. Then switch up between these techniques to promise a great orgasm.

Before you go in full force, make sure that you start off slow and work your way up to building up speed. However, if you’re really listening to her body and paying close attention, you might not have to build up speed if you have the perfect techniques to fulfilling her climactic goal (provided that there is one). And remember, since all clitorises differ in shape and size, some techniques may be more useful than others. It’s up to you to figure it out!

Here are a few oral sex techniques to practice with (red dot=clitoris; blue line=tongue’s path; black line=general shape to follow – forgive my art!):

Oh Baby! (perfect for small to medium clitorises)

This technique involves you circling the clitoris in small circles with the tip of your tongue. This is a more concentrated move, so in order for it to feel different, you can change up the speed to see which speed she prefers.

To Infinity & Beyond! (perfect for small to medium clitorises)

This move involves you moving in a lop-sided infinity in small circles with the tip of your tongue. You can even motion your head to move into the infinity if you choose to have a more dramatic effect. The reason for the lop-sided-ness is because the most nerves are concentrated in the left side of the clitoris, so the big loop allows you to give that side of the clitoris more sensation.

Smooth Sailing… (perfect for flat & semi-flat clitorises)

Almost the same as the “Oh Baby!,” this particular move requires you to use your tongue in a different way. With the top of your tongue (generally, where people get pierced), you are going to move it in large circles around the clitoris. The suction in this move is particularly important because instead of a light suction, you are going to suck with your whole mouth a little bit more than usual. This allows more blood to rush to the clitoris and heightened sensation.

The Kissing Pull (perfect for fat or large clitorises) [no diagram]

This is one of my favorite moves! This move comes in two parts. The first part involves you using a light suction and stroking the clitoris from the top of your tongue to the tip of your tongue and repeating that move for about 3-5 times. Then you pull on the clit slowly using medium suction and pressing your lips against her vulva (like an open-mouthed kiss). This gets the best reaction every time and because the move is dynamic, most women wonder what you’re doing that feels so damn good. Go ahead and try it. I dare you.

So those are just a few of the moves that I have in my arsenal…

…so what moves are in yours?