Velvet Lips » vagina

Vulva 101

Marla Stewart — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 13:30:00 +0000

Although we talk a lot about the vulva, I’ve noticed when I talk to women and men, they often don’t even know all the parts of the vulva, even when it’s their own! Not only is it my job to educate and empower individuals with the knowledge that they can have for a lifetime, but it’s my job to explain everything that the vulva is capable of and how its beauty is addictive to those who are fans. However, since it’s a brief 101, we’re only going to cover the basics very briefly. If you should have a question about a certain part, please feel free to email me!

Let’s start from the bottom and go to the top:

The anus – Although the anus is not part of the vulva, it’s a very important part. It has many nerve endings and can facilitate in pleasure if done in the correct way. You can also access the G-Spot through the anus. Remember to prepare the anus ahead of time for the most pleasurable results.

The perineum – This is the area that is between the anus and the vaginal canal; one of the entrances into the vulva. It is also an erogenous zone and on the other side of the perineum is the pelvic floor (which, if you are doing your Kegel exercises, you should know what these feel like).

The vaginal canal/opening – One of the best things about the vulva is the entrance to the vaginal canal. The pleasure that comes with just touching the entrance can be a titillating experience. Remember, the mucous membranes of the vaginal canal can feel pleasurable when touched, so take your time and explore that area.

Urethral opening – In addition to urine, ejaculate (which has the consistency of water) will come from this opening. When the G-Spot is stimulated, the ability to ejaculate is available and come with or without orgasm. It is also located in the mucus membrane right above the vaginal opening, but before the clitoris. It is an extremely tiny hole and easy to miss, but can be seen by the human eye!

Inner and outer labia – Outside of the mucus membrane, you have the inner labia. Outside of the inner labia is the outer labia. The purpose of the labia is to protect the urethral and vaginal opening. The labia range in size, shape and are not always symmetrical.

Clitoris & clitoral hood – Right above the urethral opening is the clitoris. It can range in size and can be as small as the tip of a pinky or as large as a thumb. It may or may not be covered by the clitoral hood, which is designed to protect the clitoris and the nerve endings. Particularly, with people who have higher testosterone levels, the clitoris tends to be bigger. In addition, the clitoris’ only function is pleasure.

Mons pubis – Above the clitoris is the mons pubis. You can press down on the mons pubis to stimulate the G-Spot. The function of the mons pubis is to protect the inner organs and it also secretes pheromones after puberty. The fatty tissue that develops over the pubic bone also acts as protection during sexual interaction.

Now that you have your 101 information for the vulva, stay tuned next week for penis 101!

Squirting 101

Marla Stewart — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 15:00:00 +0000

If you are a lover of the vagina and vulva (I’m almost certain you are!), you may have come across a time or two when you were thinking about how to make her or how you can squirt/ejaculate. A lot of people tell me that they have come across a woman or two who have done it, but nothing that has ever been consistent. Sometimes, it’s not wanted and most of the time, it’s well-appreciated. Squirting and/or getting someone to squirt can be an enjoyable feeling. Squirting can also spark shock, fear, and/or anxiety in some folks; especially if they don’t know what’s going on! Remember, it goes without saying, relaxation and lubrication are a must (and protection if needed or status unknown). Find the G-Spot by starting 1-2 inches in and one inch up. Go towards the sides of the vaginal wall and locate the tissue because it’s different in every person.

Whether you’re the squirter (the one who squirts) or the squirtee (the one who gets squirted on), here’s some helpful tips to maximize the enjoyment from your squirting experience.

“I’m a squirter. I ALWAYS squirt.”

If you’re the squirter and you know you’re a squirter, please give that other person the heads up that you’re a squirter. Some people don’t like the idea of surprise squirts (especially in their face), so it’s helpful if you give them the heads up and tell them that you’re a squirter before sex. For example, if you are getting oral sex and say the words “I’m cumming” to them, they may just figure that you’re about to have an orgasm. However, they might not know that that orgasm is going to be coupled with a full mouth of ejaculate, which could possibly ruin a great experience. If they’re into it, great! Your sexual compatibility might be fostered in that instant! Who wouldn’t want to bond over an awesome squirting experience?

In addition, if you’re a squirter, take a moment to prep your space if you can. Ejaculate can flow out of your vagina discreetly or it can push through like a fire hose, so if you know what which kind happens the most, you can prep the space in the best way you can. I recommend getting a nice mattress pad for the bed or ensuring that blankets are covering your furniture. However, even if you don’t have those things, vaginal ejaculate is pretty easy to clean up.

“I like to squirt. I SOMETIMES squirt.”

A lot of us fall in this category of “maybe I will squirt this time?” and there are two ways that we can manage this. To rid any anxiety or doubt, tell your lover that it might happen. Make sure you have that conversation and like the regular squirters, make sure your space is prepped for any incidental happenings.

If you feel yourself getting ready to squirt, it’s a good idea to give your lover a code word or action. An action (particularly during oral sex) can benefit you the best because then your lover won’t think that you’re saying just another dirty talk phrase (if they’re into that sort of thing). A phrase or action that is dedicated only to your squirting incidences can also benefit you in the long run because they can be used again and again and with a steady lover, can even build arousal and anticipation of the incidence.

“I never squirt. But I would LIKE TO squirt.”

For those of you who have never squirted, but would like to know how you can go about achieving it, it’s all about knowing your body and practice, practice, practice. If you truly want to know how you can squirt, you need to know where your G-Spot is and what it feels like. It’s a spongy tissue that feels like the roof of your mouth. Knowing where this is will get you a heads up on where your lover should be spending their time. Although they can stimulate the G-Spot in a variety of ways (including anally), pointing them in the right direction will be useful in experiencing your bliss (I’m a little biased, can’t you tell?).

And although knowing your G-Spot will do you wonders, it’s extremely useful to have very strong core abdomen and pelvic muscles. The stronger these muscles, the easier it is to achieve G-Spot ejaculation. So here’s another excuse to get to those crunches! And remember, it takes patience, commitment and lots of practice!

“I never squirt. And I NEVER want to squirt.”

Too bad for you. You are missing out on a good thing. The only thing about this kind of attitude is that if it happens, you will probably experience a lot of anxiety and embarrassment. You may want to look into an attitude of “I never squirt, but if it happens, it happens and I’m okay with it” in order to maintain healthy sense of well-being with yourself.

“I’m a squirtee and I LOVE it!”

What an awesome job you have, huh? Getting her to squirt can be one of the most enjoyable experiences you have! Finding the G-Spot is probably one of your specialties. Intoxicating her with stimulation to her G-Spot and other areas evoke you to almost orgasm (or maybe even orgasm!). Getting ejaculate on your face and body night be a priority in your eyes because if you please her, inevitably, you please yourself (go ahead and pat yourself on the back). Remembering to be receptive and pay attention to her body is extremely important and it comes pretty easy for you. Just a couple of small pieces advice for the squirtees: 1) don’t get discouraged if you can’t get her to squirt. It happens to all of us. 2) Try to prevent from being on the bottom during the 69 position if she’s a gusher. No one wants to drown, you included.

“I’m a squirtee and I DON’T LIKE it.”

Ask yourself, “what is the reason I don’t like to be squirted on?” Maybe you get turned off by the messiness or the anticipation of fluid you’re not familiar with may throw you off. These are all viable excuses and if your lover is a squirter, you should definitely ask her if she is (if she hasn’t volunteered that information to you already). Then, you can decide if you would like to put yourself in that position of experience something that isn’t pleasant to you. But then again, you never know…

All in all, you are your own sexpert and only you can decide what you want in a sexual situation. Whether squirting is your thing or not, it’s always good to know yourself. Find those spots that titillate you and explore them to the fullest. Remember, there is always room to learn and grow.

Up Your Hand Game

Marla Stewart — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 00:35:00 +0000

How to Up Your Hand Game

“How do I prevent my hand and arm from getting tired when I’m fingering her?”

Fingering someone takes a lot of arm and hand strength, so my first recommendation is to make sure that your arm is up for it. That means doing exercises like push-ups to build up arm strength and stamina. And honestly, practice makes perfect, so the more you practice it, the better at it you will become.

However, if you’re not into doing push-ups every single day and you don’t have someone to constantly practice on, here’s a few things that will help you out.

You want to make sure that she’s warmed up. That’s right. You need a little foreplay. And I’m only saying this because a little foreplay can go a long way. The more you build her up, it will take less time to get her off (hopefully). This means, more kissing, more touching, more teasing, and gentle caresses to her vulva. You want to get her to a point where her temperature is rising, she’s breathing heavily and she’s genuinely interested in taking it a step further.

So how would you know that she’s interested in taking it a step further? You can always ask her in your low, seductive voice. Or you can feel between her legs to see if her crotch is warm or if she’s wet.

If have the green light (consent, please!), then locate her vaginal opening. This doesn’t mean “go in.” It simply means, feel around her vaginal opening and make some circles around it. The vaginal opening is one of the most sensitive places on a woman’s body, so stimulating her by circling it or caressing it gently will have her knowing that you know exactly what to do. Go back and forth between doing this and rubbing around the vulva. You want to get her aroused to the point where she can non-verbally tell you that it is okay to enter.

Once you know it’s okay to enter, do it with grace and with the intention that this is for her pleasure, not your own. Although this may be an activity that turns you on greatly, focusing on her pleasure will ultimately give you pleasure, so it becomes a win-win situation. Start with one finger first and eventually work your way up to more fingers (if need be; you should have already communicated this!).

Rhythmic pacing is best because your bodies can begin to feel in-sync and with her body she can guide you in the right direction of where she is getting the most pleasure. Remember, your goal is to NOT get her to orgasm….wait…who am I kidding here? Of course you want her to have an orgasm! That’s why we have sex with people; to facilitate a connection that could (most likely!) lead to orgasm!

During the rhythmic pacing, focus on 2 pleasure zones: her G-spot and her vaginal entrance. You want to focus on these two spots because these are the spots that have the most feeling. To build up more arousal, slowly take your fingers out and rub around her vulva for a moment. You don’t want to rub too long because the sexual anticipation might be too much for her to stand, so again, gracefully, put your fingers back inside and get to work.

Hopefully, if you’ve built her up with enough enticement, it might not take you as long to get her to orgasm. If she is someone that can sustain a high arousal state, I highly suggest working out your arms, building stamina and practice…because sometimes, that’s the only way!

Strap-On School for Vaginas

Marla Stewart — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 03:13:00 +0000

When I talk to people who use and experience strap-ons, there’s always the strap-on debate. Questions like, “what is too big?” “what harness is good for me?” and “what’s the best sexual position to be in?” all spark interest and concern. Whether you’re the one enveloping (being penetrated) or being enveloped (penetrating), the strap-on can be powerful and pleasurable or pathetic and painful. It’s up to you which one you want to experience.

For those who envelop (are penetrated):

Keep the lube handy. Whether your vagina gets wet easily or not, it’s always nice to keep lube handy. When you have it handy, it’s less pressuring for you to get wet. And sometimes there’s nothing sexier than when you rub the lube on your hands and rub it on them while maintaining eye contact and a seductive smile. To ensure a good time on your end, make sure that you use a water-based lube that is glycerin and paraben-free. I would recommend a vegan-friendly, organic lube because these lubes will not agitate your vagina or cause a yeast infection. And ain’t nobody got time for a yeast infection. I personally love Bedroom Kandi’s collection of organic, glycerin and paraben-free lubes.

Know what size you can take in. The average vaginal length is 4 inches, so some vaginas are going to be shorter, while other ones will be longer. When your vagina is aroused, it balloons near the cervix, so there’s definitely a little bit of extra room if you need it. Just be sure to speak up or adjust yourself if the strap-on hits your cervix because not only is it painful, but you can cause some real serious damage. Some of us love to feel full, while others just love the feeling on our G-spots, so figure out what sizes would be best for your vagina.

Experiment with different positions. When you experiment with different positions, you can choose which ones will give you the best pleasure and/or the best orgasm. Depending on the size of the strap-on, there are certain positions that allow you more room for penetration as your cervix shifts, so make sure you try them all!

Recognize your G-spot. No one should know your G-spot better than you, so get in tune with that spongy tissue that will possibly make your life more exciting. Once you know where and how to stimulate your G-spot, you can communicate to your partner about how to arouse that fantastical spot. And if you’re lucky enough, the release when you ejaculate from your G-spot stimulation, will be filled with wonders, excitement and perpetually piquing you and your partner’s curiosities.

For those who get enveloped (penetrate):

The right harness is necessary. With every stroke, you need to make sure that you don’t have any pain or discomfort when your harness is being put to work. A comfortable harness is a harness that you barely recognize that it’s there. If you need a new harness, check out the ones at MySpare.com, which have had some rave reviews by women and men who love them.

Have different sizes handy. This is a dream come true to any woman who is being penetrated. The reason is simple: depending on the size of her vagina, you can feel free to have the confidence that you have whatever size she needs to maximize her pleasure. And when she’s happy, you will be happy as well. Remember that most women prefer girth over length, so make sure you choose wisely.

Keep an arsenal of moves in the back of your brain. There are plenty of books around that show you various sexual positions and it’s good to keep about 5-10 in your brain. Most people feel comfortable with 3, but if you know more than that, not only will come off as confident, you will probably be labeled a connoisseur. Keep them guessing about which move will be the next in line to experience the knowledge you possess.

Use protection/Keep it clean. Silicone dildos are best when it comes to strap-on sex because they can be easily cleaned, they have a good amount of stiffness and dexterity, and they are non-porous, which means that bacteria can’t fester in the material. If you’re having sex with multiple partners, condom use is necessary in order not to spread bacteria and infections. Make sure that you keep the condom lubricated with water-based, glycerin and paraben-free lube and after sex, make sure you wash your dildo with hot water and soap. Bacteria can also fester in harnesses, so make sure you keep those clean as well.

Remember, all it takes is practice to perfect the art of strap-on sex! And don’t worry, I didn’t forget about anal sex…we’ll tackle that one next time!

Xoxo, marla

7 Ways to Cherish Your Vagina

Marla Stewart — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 07:15:00 +0000

When I was growing up, my mom called it my “kitty kat.” I had to make sure that I took good care of my “kitty kat” and that I had to protect my “kitty kat” from any strangers who tried to come near her. If there was anyone who touched my “kitty kat,” it was to be immediately reported to my mom, no matter who it was. I loved my mom for this because she helped me to cherish my vulva and vagina and taught me that I had to love my “kitty kat” by taking good care of her.

Now that I’m older, I realize that it’s even more important for us to cherish our vulvas and vaginas. We are plagued with many more stresses than we had as kids and our bodies constantly go through changes that adversely affect our vaginas and vulvas. At times, our vaginas may become more sensitive. We might be more susceptible to Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) and Yeast Infections because our PH balances may become off. Our vaginas become sensitive to the touch when we’re ovulating or on our period, which helps us ignite our sexual energy.

With that said, I think it’s very important for us to cherish our genitals all the time and there are several ways to do this:

1) KNOW her. Make sure you know all the parts of her. She will appreciate it. Be able to look at and point out your inner and outer lips, clitoris, urethral opening, G-spot, perineum, and anus. The more you know about her, the better you will be at exploring her.

2) PERSONIFY her. You can give her a name or just refer to her as she/her. I encourage you to say “my vagina,” “my pussy,” “my va-jay-jay,” “my yoni,” or anything else you want to call it, as long as it’s preceded by “my.” Stay away from names like “it,” “down there,” or anything that keeps you from connecting to your genitals. You want to be one with them because the better you treat her, the better she will be to you!

3) LOOK at her. At least once a week, you should look at your vulva to see what’s happening with her. Is her hair growing too wildly and need grooming? Does she have any idiosyncrasies like pimples, ingrown hairs, or symptoms of infections? Check her out often to make sure she’s taken care of. If she looks good, she feels good, and she will treat you good.

4) CLEAN her. I know this seems obvious, but sometimes it’s not. Although “ho baths” and baby wipes help to clean her, she really needs to have a bath or shower at least once a day. Make sure you get in all the little crevices between the lips and under the clitoral hood on the vulva. Your vagina cleanses herself naturally, so no need for douches (unless there’s an idiosyncrasy that requires it). Women’s clean, natural scents can be erotic and smells trigger memories; so make sure she smells wonderful!

5) STIMULATE her. You can stimulate her in a few ways: 1) purposefully masturbate and/or bring her to orgasm, 2) read or visualize something sexual that wakes her up, 3) Kegel exercises, and/or 4) have someone else touch her and cherish her. Stimulating her helps you to relieve stress and releases pheromones, which allows you to feel good and attract people.

6) DISCIPLINE her. I know this sounds harsh, but your vagina will thank you for disciplining her. Sometimes she likes to be greedy, but remember that overstimulation and acidic environments (too many acidic foods) are bad for her. However, don’t discipline her so much that you become neglectful. She needs to be loved and taken care of to the fullest of your capabilities.

7) PROTECT her. With your vagina, you want to always make sure that you protect her from sexually transmitted diseases/infections, by using condoms, latex gloves and open communication with your lover(s). With your vulva, you always want to make sure you protect her by using latex barriers for oral or vagina-vagina contact and use open communication to the best of your ability.

The better you take care of your vagina, the better she will be to you and not cause you any problems. Cherish her and love her and make sure that whoever wants to be near her that they love and cherish her too!

Xoxo, marla