“How do I prevent my hand and arm from getting tired when I’m fingering her?”

Fingering someone takes a lot of arm and hand strength, so my first recommendation is to make sure that your arm is up for it.  That means doing exercises like push-ups to build up arm strength and stamina.  And honestly, practice makes perfect, so the more you practice it, the better at it you will become.

However, if you’re not into doing push-ups every single day and you don’t have someone to constantly practice on, here’s a few things that will help you out.

You want to make sure that she’s warmed up.  That’s right.  You need a little foreplay.  And I’m only saying this because a little foreplay can go a long way.  The more you build her up, it will take less time to get her off (hopefully).  This means, more kissing, more touching, more teasing, and gentle caresses to her vulva.  You want to get her to a point where her temperature is rising, she’s breathing heavily and she’s genuinely interested in taking it a step further.

So how would you know that she’s interested in taking it a step further?  You can always ask her in your low, seductive voice.  Or you can feel between her legs to see if her crotch is warm or if she’s wet.

If have the green light (consent, please!), then locate her vaginal opening.  This doesn’t mean “go in.”  It simply means, feel around her vaginal opening and make some circles around it.  The vaginal opening is one of the most sensitive places on a woman’s body, so stimulating her by circling it or caressing it gently will have her knowing that you know exactly what to do.  Go back and forth between doing this and rubbing around the vulva.  You want to get her aroused to the point where she can non-verbally tell you that it is okay to enter.

Once you know it’s okay to enter, do it with grace and with the intention that this is for her pleasure, not your own.  Although this may be an activity that turns you on greatly, focusing on her pleasure will ultimately give you pleasure, so it becomes a win-win situation.  Start with one finger first and eventually work your way up to more fingers (if need be; you should have already communicated this!).

Rhythmic pacing is best because your bodies can begin to feel in-sync and with her body she can guide you in the right direction of where she is getting the most pleasure.  Remember, your goal is to NOT get her to orgasm….wait…who am I kidding here?  Of course you want her to have an orgasm!  That’s why we have sex with people; to facilitate a connection that could (most likely!) lead to orgasm!

During the rhythmic pacing, focus on 2 pleasure zones: her G-spot and her vaginal entrance.  You want to focus on these two spots because these are the spots that have the most feeling.  To build up more arousal, slowly take your fingers out and rub around her vulva for a moment.  You don’t want to rub too long because the sexual anticipation might be too much for her to stand, so again, gracefully, put your fingers back inside and get to work.

Hopefully, if you’ve built her up with enough enticement, it might not take you as long to get her to orgasm.  If she is someone that can sustain a high arousal state, I highly suggest working out your arms, building stamina and practice…because sometimes, that’s the only way!

Remember, all it takes is practice to perfect the art of strap-on sex!  And don’t worry, I didn’t forget about anal sex…we’ll tackle that one next time!

Xoxo, marla

Now that I’m older, I realize that it’s even more important for us to cherish our vulvas and vaginas.  We are plagued with many more stresses than we had as kids and our bodies constantly go through changes that adversely affect our vaginas and vulvas.  At times, our vaginas may become more sensitive.  We might be more susceptible to Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) and Yeast Infections because our PH balances may become off.  Our vaginas become sensitive to the touch when we’re ovulating or on our period, which helps us ignite our sexual energy.

With that said, I think it’s very important for us to cherish our genitals all the time and there are several ways to do this:

1)  KNOW her.  Make sure you know all the parts of her.  She will appreciate it.  Be able to look at and point out your inner and outer lips, clitoris, urethral opening, G-spot, perineum, and anus.  The more you know about her, the better you will be at exploring her.

2)  PERSONIFY her.  You can give her a name or just refer to her as she/her.  I encourage you to say “my vagina,” “my pussy,” “my va-jay-jay,” “my yoni,” or anything else you want to call it, as long as it’s preceded by “my.”  Stay away from names like “it,” “down there,” or anything that keeps you from connecting to your genitals.  You want to be one with them because the better you treat her, the better she will be to you!

3)  LOOK at her.  At least once a week, you should look at your vulva to see what’s happening with her.  Is her hair growing too wildly and need grooming?  Does she have any idiosyncrasies like pimples, ingrown hairs, or symptoms of infections?  Check her out often to make sure she’s taken care of.  If she looks good, she feels good, and she will treat you good.

4)  CLEAN her.  I know this seems obvious, but sometimes it’s not.  Although “ho baths” and baby wipes help to clean her, she really needs to have a bath or shower at least once a day.  Make sure you get in all the little crevices between the lips and under the clitoral hood on the vulva.  Your vagina cleanses herself naturally, so no need for douches (unless there’s an idiosyncrasy that requires it).  Women’s clean, natural scents can be erotic and smells trigger memories; so make sure she smells wonderful!

5)  STIMULATE her.  You can stimulate her in a few ways: 1) purposefully masturbate and/or bring her to orgasm, 2) read or visualize something sexual that wakes her up, 3) Kegel exercises, and/or 4) have someone else touch her and cherish her.  Stimulating her helps you to relieve stress and releases pheromones, which allows you to feel good and attract people.

6)  DISCIPLINE her.  I know this sounds harsh, but your vagina will thank you for disciplining her.  Sometimes she likes to be greedy, but remember that overstimulation and acidic environments (too many acidic foods) are bad for her.  However, don’t discipline her so much that you become neglectful.  She needs to be loved and taken care of to the fullest of your capabilities.

7)  PROTECT her.  With your vagina, you want to always make sure that you protect her from sexually transmitted diseases/infections, by using condoms, latex gloves and open communication with your lover(s).  With your vulva, you always want to make sure you protect her by using latex barriers for oral or vagina-vagina contact and use open communication to the best of your ability.

The better you take care of your vagina, the better she will be to you and not cause you any problems.  Cherish her and love her and make sure that whoever wants to be near her that they love and cherish her too!

Xoxo, marla