Perfecting Your Genital Linguistics – For Vulvas Only

Marla Stewart — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 15:46:00 +0000

After teaching my workshop named “Maturing Your Genital Dialect©,” there are always plenty of questions that arise when teaching someone about oral sex techniques. The funny thing about people is that most people think they are the best there ever was, when in fact, we can always strive to do better. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ve met someone who thought they were the best and it didn’t turn out that way. There’s also no doubt in my mind that you know those two or three people who have rocked your world and given you the best orgasms of your life. I bet you’re even reflecting on them now. Since there are plenty of ways to have an orgasm, oral sex is a powerful tool to have in your arsenal. Sometimes it makes people fall in love with you instantly, so make sure you use it wisely. I’ve definitely had to learn that hard lesson!

Communication is necessary because you want to know how to protect yourself if your partner has a sexually transmitted disease/infection (STD/I) or if you have an STD/I, you should definitely communicate this to your partner in order to reduce the risk of infection. Remember, in addition to STD’s you can also pass yeast infections and Bacterial Vaginosis (BV), so if you’re not feeling right about your vaginal health, it’s best to refrain from sexual contact. If there is a need to protect yourself and/or your partner, you can use barriers such as latex gloves (cut the fingers off and then cut up the opposite side of the thumb to form a usable barrier with the thumb acting as a tongue holder) or placing plastic wrap (not the microwaveable kind) in the neat crevices of her vulva and get to it. If you’ve communicated that you are interested in fluid exchanging (not using barriers), be sure that you take on the personal responsibility that comes with that.

First, make sure you use your mouth to find the perfect position to mount her vulva. The clitoris should be your main focus and your lips should be inside of the outer lips. There should always be a slight suction when licking on and around her clitoris. Different women like different things, so be sure that you’re listening to her body. You need to have plenty of moves in your arsenal because the best lover is going to be able to hold an oral sex position from 2-5 minutes and then change to a different oral sex position for the next 2-5 minutes and so on. You want to keep doing this until you find which best 2 or 3 techniques get the best response. Then switch up between these techniques to promise a great orgasm.

Before you go in full force, make sure that you start off slow and work your way up to building up speed. However, if you’re really listening to her body and paying close attention, you might not have to build up speed if you have the perfect techniques to fulfilling her climactic goal (provided that there is one). And remember, since all clitorises differ in shape and size, some techniques may be more useful than others. It’s up to you to figure it out!

Here are a few oral sex techniques to practice with (red dot=clitoris; blue line=tongue’s path; black line=general shape to follow – forgive my art!):

Oh Baby! (perfect for small to medium clitorises)

This technique involves you circling the clitoris in small circles with the tip of your tongue. This is a more concentrated move, so in order for it to feel different, you can change up the speed to see which speed she prefers.

To Infinity & Beyond! (perfect for small to medium clitorises)

This move involves you moving in a lop-sided infinity in small circles with the tip of your tongue. You can even motion your head to move into the infinity if you choose to have a more dramatic effect. The reason for the lop-sided-ness is because the most nerves are concentrated in the left side of the clitoris, so the big loop allows you to give that side of the clitoris more sensation.

Smooth Sailing… (perfect for flat & semi-flat clitorises)

Almost the same as the “Oh Baby!,” this particular move requires you to use your tongue in a different way. With the top of your tongue (generally, where people get pierced), you are going to move it in large circles around the clitoris. The suction in this move is particularly important because instead of a light suction, you are going to suck with your whole mouth a little bit more than usual. This allows more blood to rush to the clitoris and heightened sensation.

The Kissing Pull (perfect for fat or large clitorises) [no diagram]

This is one of my favorite moves! This move comes in two parts. The first part involves you using a light suction and stroking the clitoris from the top of your tongue to the tip of your tongue and repeating that move for about 3-5 times. Then you pull on the clit slowly using medium suction and pressing your lips against her vulva (like an open-mouthed kiss). This gets the best reaction every time and because the move is dynamic, most women wonder what you’re doing that feels so damn good. Go ahead and try it. I dare you.

So those are just a few of the moves that I have in my arsenal…

…so what moves are in yours?

Learning Seduction – Part One

Marla Stewart — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 06:45:00 +0000

I want to talk about seduction and why it’s important to me, so the next few blogs will be dedicated to my insight on seduction and how you can use it to your advantage. This blog is the base of all my conversations and I’ve noticed that once people know this about themselves, they tend to pay attention more to what they want in their sexual life and they also learn how to navigate other relationships, whether they are sexual or not. Don’t worry; I’m working on a book. Here goes:

Most communication is non-verbal. Apparently, when you talk to someone, the total impact of the message is influenced in 3 ways: 7% of what you say, 38% on how you say it, and 55% on the gestures that you make while saying it, according to various studies and books. Feel free to search that. I found multiple sources citing the same info, so I’m not really sure where it all originated.

For me, that doesn’t say much. It makes sense, but that’s not everything. You really have to understand what type of learner that person is to understand the depths of communication, as well as what type of learner you are.

There are 3 types of learners: Audio (ears), Visual (eyes), and Kinesthetic (touch).

You can connect to people based on these specific qualities. Audio people will remember information just by what you say and how you say it. To communicate with an audio learner, try to be witty with your speech or say alluring words. Also, use inflections if you ever want to see them again. A visual person will listen to the information by the gestures you use while you’re talking. To connect with them, use a lot of hand movements and if you’re telling stories, make sure you give specific visual details and paint a picture with your words. To get a kinesthetic person to listen to something you say, touch them while you’re talking to them. They will listen to what you say based on how you touched them. It’s also possible to be a combination of two or more – the more ways you can learn, the better!

So how do you know what type of learner a person is? It’s simple:

An audio person

Likes to talk a lot (the main one) and be on the phone
Loves music and knows every word to most songs
Will remember everything you say, word for word, and will always have a response
Likes to get the last word in
Is distracted by noise or sound

A visual person

Daydreams a lot
Has a creative imagination
Likes shiny objects and spectacular visual effects
Is distracted by movement or messiness

A Kinesthetic person

Moves around a lot
Likes to touch everything
Prefers a lot of action or activities
Is distracted by activity happening around them

As of this moment, I’m a visual and kinesthetic person. As far as being visual, I tend to space out if something triggers an idea in my head, I love glitter and shiny objects and am totally fascinated by spectacular lighting. If the house is really messy, I have to clean up before I can start on a project and if something spectacular walks in the room, I will surely notice. As a kinesthetic person, I will listen to you if you are touching me somehow (most of the time), I like to be involved in any action or activities, I like to touch other people (most of the time) and if there’s more than one thing happening, I’m easily distracted. Knowing these things about myself help me to stay focused because I can recognize when I’m distracted and get back on track. Knowing these things about other people help me to communicate to them better and connect with them easily.

No wonder people are always telling me about their sex lives.

Now, of course some folks might be limited on their ability, so don’t think of these things as a totally permanent fixture on your personality. Like most things it can be fluid and change from time to time. It’s important to recognize the moment that you’re in and take advantage as necessary; especially, when it comes to the Power of Seduction©. Stay tuned for Part Two.

[Picture below: “I love you so much, I will even talk to you on the phone.]

Velvet Lips » Seduction

Perfecting Your Genital Linguistics – For Vulvas Only

Learning Seduction – Part One