–Marla Renee Stewart

Earlier this week, I was thinking about life in general and how we are all figurines in this game called life.  Remember that board game?  The Game of Life had us going through college and/or career, having a possible family, working to pay bills and our ultimate goal was to get to old age being happy and rich.  It’s interesting because although many of us want these things, a lot of us are aimlessly wandering through life trying to get these things with minimal action.  Maybe we’re too comfortable with what we have at the moment or maybe we’re not motivated and committed to seeing what our final destination could be.

I came up with this quote because 1) I love strategy games and 2) when you play a strategy game, you always have to think about your next move in-depth, according to all your other future moves in order to gain the best outcome.  As a competitive person, I always want to win, so processing this information fast and efficiently is my best option.  Weighing out the consequences of each move helps me to get to where I’m going and if something happens that I don’t expect, I don’t let it bother me (okay, it bothers me for a second) and I re-strategize – always keeping my end goal in sight.

So, yes, this works for life, but you can make it work for your sex life as well.  Take a moment to think about your end goal for sex.  Is it to have a pleasurable time?  Is it for always having an orgasm?  Is it for stress relief or relief from an ailment?  These could occur at all different times, but you should have some clarity when you start engaging in sex about your end goal.

For example, if your end goal is pleasurable sex (whether you have an orgasm or not), then your next step should be deciding on which move you need to make in order for it to be pleasurable to you.  Always know that someone might not be able to read your thoughts, so it’s your responsibility to get pleasure out of the situation.  If you’re not good at vocalizing what you want, you can hint to your partner by movement or connecting to them visually and hinting that way.  If you’re more spiritually in-tune with your partner, connect by chanting or breathing in sync.

Whatever pleasure means to you, all you have to do is negotiate the steps with the other person – making sure that you always take steps to ensure the likelihood of your end goal.  At the same time, you have to train yourself to multi-task and enjoy the moment.  This means, having an idea of the next step, keeping it in the back of your brain and then being present in the moment as you enjoy your lover.  By having this strategy and embracing in the moment, you use your emotions (by intimately connecting), you use your intuition (what’s the next step that will bring me pleasure?) and you use your logic (ah yes, this should be the next step because…).

Like life, sex is a strategy game.  Play moderately, play for fun and play to please (yourself and others).