Think about when you get a new friend…you start off really interested and ready to hang out with them all the time, but you know eventually those feelings of wanting to hang out with them all the time fade and you get comfortable.  However, think about if you were intimate with them.  The emotional attachment and experiencing sensuality and intimacy on an extremely energetic level spikes those oxytocin levels (in addition to those dopamine levels) and most people get wrapped up in the passion of what becomes NRE.

A lot of people think that when their partner cheats, it’s because they are not doing something to keep them.  That can definitely be the issue unless your partner has an addiction to sex or some other issue that has their willpower wavering.  However, if they don’t, there are definitely things you can do to keep the NRE in your current relationship to prevent your partner from straying and preventing the emotional (or physical) damage that can happen if your partner cheats.

1)      Be clear on your needs.  Communicate what you want in the relationship and negotiate what you need to sustain the sexuality in your relationship.  Talk about the things that turn you on and if you are a person who likes to experiment, make sure those needs are getting met in some way or another.  Whether you negotiate on trying something new every week or once a month, talk about what you need in order to keep that loving feeling for your partner.

2)      Change up your appearance.  One of the reasons why people get wrapped up in NRE is because it’s a change of scenery.  It’s a new person in different clothes and a different way of life.  You can do the same by changing up your appearance.  Grow out your hair/beard or do a different hairstyle.  Get a new outfit and surprise your lover; maybe some sexy lingerie or decorative boxers/briefs to set the mood.  Whatever you can do to change up your appearance every once in a while will help sustain the “newness” of your relationship.

3)      Require date nights.  It’s important to go on dates and spend quality time with your partner.  If you can go out once a week to a picnic, a movie, dinner, or special event, you help sustain that energy that got you in the first place.  I think it’s a bonus if you alternate weeks and make sure you hold each other accountable for creating new energy in the relationship.  It also helps with making purposeful effort, rather than being comfortable and settling on the humdrum life of day-to-day.

4)      Show your partner you care about them.  Sometimes we get so caught up on our own needs that we fail to see what our partner really enjoys or what they need.  Does your partner need a new watch?  New lingerie?  Does your partner need their car washed or for you to cook dinner for them?  Maybe they want a bath or a massage and need you to help them relax.  Maybe they just need a hug and/or a passionate kiss to sustain the energy they need to be interested in you.  Those reminders are the best because they are able to take you back in time to remember the exact feeling that you felt when you first entered into the relationship.

With that said, I truly believe that NRE can be a cause of cheating in relationships, but there’s definitely a way to prevent this from happening.  Be proactive in your relationship to sustain and regenerate new relationship energy get to learn your partner every single day.  Pay attention to your partner, recognize when they evolve and always create new ways to celebrate with them.

This week, I was hanging out with some close friends of mine and they were discussing a person who had sexuality issues.  Not just issues, like, they’re an incompatible lover (with a lot of people), but overall how they were trying to vie for someone’s attention in an unhealthy and overbearing matter.  You know, things like, pretending to be interested in things that the other person is interested in when they don’t have a clue or taking classes that they think will help them to be a more interesting person.

Most people in this world just want to belong in one way or another and some people try so hard that they don’t even know what they like for themselves.  When you ask someone what they desire for themselves, it’s interesting to see their blank face (if they have one).  Some of us have been so conditioned to please others that we haven’t even taken the time to see what we desire for ourselves.  Especially when it comes to sexuality, people shy away from knowing what makes them really aroused.  Sexual desire is something that is so present, yet some folks want to repress that energy.  They’d rather get distracted by something else than face their own horniness.

With that said, here’s 3 ways to invoke your own sexual desire:

1)       Go out and explore the world and see whom/what you’re attracted to.  This requires you moving out and about in the world and doing what you love to do, as far as hobbies and other non-sexual likes.  It might even include watching various aspects of porn and seeing whom/what turns you on.

2)      Evaluate your desire and see where it has manifested in your life.  Most desires you have can be “rooted” somewhere.  The kinds of questions you need to ask for yourself are “Where did this desire come from?  How does this desire make me feel?  Do I feel like this desire can empower my sexuality?  Why or why not?”  Thinking about these questions will really help you see why you have other emotional reactions as well and can also help you propel your sense of power.

3)      Act on your desire.  Provided that your desire isn’t illegal or hurts someone else, acting out your desire could really solidify why you like what you like and if you would like to do it again.  I’m a fan of the “3 strikes” rule where I will try anything that I seem to like about 3 times and determine if that particular desire is good for me to act out or if it’s better to keep it as a fantasy.  Keeping it as a fantasy has its advantages, especially when you are in need of reaching that orgasm that you want so dearly.

The bottom line is, it’s better to know your own desires, so at least your partner(s) can know what exactly turns you on.  For most people, they love to please their partner(s) and to be one step ahead can really provide some of the confidence that you need to foster your ego and solidify your prowess with your partner.