Open Up!

Marla Stewart — Wed, 15 Oct 2014 22:44:48 +0000

I bet you were thinking that I was going to talk about polyamory, but I’m not. I’m actually going to tell you about intimacy. It’s been interesting over these past 2 months because I’ve been having more and more clients who are having issues opening up – giving and receiving intimacy. The symptoms are always the same – feeling anxiety, feeling uptight and difficulty trusting people. There is also the symptom of maintaining complete control and overall not having the ability to cope with being uncomfortable. This is all rooted in rejection.

Here are a few ways to help you be more relaxed and connect to people, so that you can be comfortable in every environment that you’re in.

The same daily affirmations. You’ve heard me say this before, but let me just reiterate how important this step is. Repeating the same daily affirmations twice a day gets into your subconscious. This is how I was able to lose 20 pounds in a month. I had a couple of affirmations relating to my health and this infused into my system and influenced all my moves, all my intentions and all my health. This is the same with intimacy. Setting an affirmation like “I am lovable and huggable” or “I am relaxed and comfortable.”

Stop hand-shaking and start hugging. Hugging is a completely socially acceptable behavior, so be open to experiencing it in every day of your life. The more you hug people, the more you can connect to people, and that releases oxytocin in the brain which helps with your emotional well-being. You can get 10 2-second hugs a day or one 20-second hug to help you maintain good health. Make it a real hug with genuine authenticity that you care for that person – with complete invested intention with your intimacy.

Touch people. Of course, don’t touch people inappropriately. I highly recommend touching people on their shoulder. This is a space that is neutral enough so that people who don’t like to be touched feel okay and that people who don’t mind being touched know that there is an opportunity for them to connect o you as well. Touching people is one of the indicators of loving someone and when people express their love towards you, think about how good you feel. It’s the same for others.

Trust that you might be uncomfortable. And also realize that it’s okay to be uncomfortable. If we don’t sacrifice our comfort, we will never evolve. We must be okay with change. We must be okay with rejection. We must be willing to get hot or red or sweaty. We must be okay with outright admitting that we are uncomfortable – the fact is, most people will understand how you may be feeling and sympathetic with you. Give people the credit that they deserve and trust that you are in the alignment with them.

These 4 steps are just the first steps to gaining the confidence you need to be sure of yourself and illuminate your true authenticity. We all have the ability to be intimate, not only with people we know, but with people we don’t know as well!

Cheers to your sexual success!

Get Aroused!

Marla Stewart — Thu, 06 Mar 2014 23:21:00 +0000

For some of you, the wind just has to blow and you are automatically excited and ready to have sex. For the rest of you, it might not come as easy. Maybe you’re having a “low-desire” episode in your life or maybe that new relationship energy has worn off and you aren’t as excitable as you used to be. A lot of people have tension around getting sexually aroused when they are partnered. And, I’ve also noticed that when someone isn’t partnered and they feel that they’ve lost their sexual mojo, it’s quite clear that they truly have.

Getting back your sexual energy requires patience, but once that cycle is up, it keeps spiraling up, so it’s good to have some strategies to increase your libido.

If you don’t have a steady lover, it’s good to masturbate and think about things that are pleasurable to you. If you have porn, use it every once in a while to help you get aroused; however, don’t get dependent on it because it actually changes your brain function. Think about the most pleasurable moments in your life that you felt sexually secure and genuinely sexy. In addition, it’s extremely sexy to have a passion in your life. No matter what it is, doing something with your life that you are passionate about helps your libido in all kinds of ways. Once people see how motivated you are by your passion, they also get inspired and that energy tends to resonate from the inside of you. For those of you who struggle to find your passion, take the time to figure it out. You will be glad you did.

Another way to get your sexual desire back is to create emotional bonds. The way you do that is by hugging people. And not just hugging them for a half second and patting them on the back; I mean, go in with two full arms tight and loving. Often times, we don’t hug people (like our coworkers) because of the fear of what they may think (or some fear of sexual harassment). Get over it the best way you can. When you hug people out of pure love (with no other intention), people feel it. And once you have created that emotional bond, it’s easier to talk to them and get to know them a little bit better than you knew what was possible.

If you have a steady lover, get those hugs in every day. And not just 2-second hugs. I mean 20-second hugs where you are holding tight, grabbing their butt and pushing it into your pelvis. Intensifying this hug jolts your sexual energy and helps you get back on the right track of your bringing together your sexual connection.

Make out/French kiss/Kiss tenderly with your partner at least once a week. Don’t kiss when you want to have sex, but rather kiss without any other intention. In addition to a passionate kiss at least once a week (which will turn into more), you need to make a kissing part of your routine. Whether it’s a kiss when you leave each other and come back again or whether it’s when you wake up and go to bed. Make kissing a part of your routine. That way, it won’t feel awkward when the passionate kissing happens. More likely, it will be an excitable kiss – especially since you have a nerve that connects your upper lip to your genitals.

Another way to bring up your arousal level is to do love proclamations. Not only does this mean saying “I love you” to your lover every day, but also acting out your love proclamations. What appeals to your lover the most as far as love desires. Do these and incorporate moments of erotic intentional touch. Sometimes it takes more work than anticipated, but remember, love is patient, so once you start acting and being ‘love,’ your partner will reciprocate those actions (without them really noticing, either!).

Do you have a sexy playlist that you like that makes you feel sexy every time? If not, create one! Music helps with releasing endorphins and helping you to reduce your amount of stress. In addition, the right music will get you in the mood. Whether it’s the melody or the lyrics, you can find the right song to stimulate you. If you want to take it a step further, think about a song that you and your partner made love to or danced to where you felt that fire. Thinking back to the times when you first got aroused by your partner also help to re-ignite some of those old sparks to get them to be active again.

The fact is, you have to put in a little bit of effort and have a little bit of patience if you want to ignite your sexual sparks. In today’s culture, we thrive on “instant” and if something takes too long, we tend to give up easily. My advice: take the time and don’t give up on the love for yourself and the love for other people. Leaving or giving up is the easiest route to go, but the rewards are greater when you get through obstacles instead of leaving the course.

Velvet Lips » hugging

Open Up!

Get Aroused!