When is the last time you tried to do a new sexual move to really turn your partner on? How invested are you into trying something new and different? 

​Sometimes, we all get a little stuck in doing the same things in bed over and over again and though it’s arousing at the time, the need to switch up happens to all of us. And of course, we all know the need of foreplay and its important role.

​However, what if you had an extensive type of foreplay? Or what if the foreplay was an intentional, consensual act that was named and boundaries were established and thought through thoroughly?

​For me, kink has those elements. It’s not just about being freaky, but really thinking about all your boundaries at hand. Most of us know what a little kink is – a spank here, a slap there, scratches everywhere. Or some of us might think that kink is a little more than we can handle and aren’t really prepared for where it might take our minds. 

​More recently, being kinky means that you are engaged in the BDSM world. BDSM stand for 

​|BD| – Bondage/Discipline
|Ds| – Domination/Submission
|SM| – Sadism/Masochism

​But at the same time, you don’t have to identify as a kinkster to engage in BDSM or do kinky things. Known BDSM behavior, such as spanking can be extremely titillating because there are so many feelings that are brought up during the interaction. You can reflect about how you feel about them spanking you, about your feelings of spanking someone else, what kind of memories it brings up and being focused enough to be absorbed in the moment. You can think about what your body parts feel like, what the pain and/or pleasure feeling that you’re experiencing or how you can stand to push yourself to your own erotic limits. 

​Teaching your lover about kink can be just as sexy. Thinking about how you want to engage with your lover and how you can inflict good pain that heightens your arousal levels will help you reach towards actively engaging with your sexual life. Knowing your lover’s limits and not knowing your lover’s limits can be an eye-opening experience, especially if you find yourself really loving to engage with your lover on a new level. 

​Being engaged with kink can also have the effects of healing past traumas as well. Active role-playing gets your place yourself where you know those hurtful feelings are harbored and move beyond them towards peace and healing in your own life. It’s only when we’re healed that we are able to heal others, especially on this journey called life. 

​So with that said, I encourage you to look into kink, participate in some kinky action and see what you like. We’re not all Fifty Shades of Grey, but it’s nice to get some redness and bruising every once in a while.