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My first visit to Frolicon 2014 By Danalysis

Marla Stewart — Mon, 21 Apr 2014 03:01:57 +0000

If it is true that life is what you make of it, then the creators of Frolicon, an Atlanta convention for the sexually adventurous, are definitely committed to making life more interesting for all of those who dare.

Frolicon takes place every Easter weekend at an unassuming airport hotel in Atlanta. Surely the date is not a coincidence, as I can’t be the only attendee for whom the event was rebirth of sexuality after a long winter’s hibernation.

This was my first experience at such an event. I was married and monogamous for over 20 years. After the kids graduated college and the parenting was officially over, my wife and I decided to split off and go down separate paths in order to make each of our lives more authentic. As part of this task, I have been exploring parts of my sexuality that I packed up and put away while married.

Surprisingly, one of the most fun and unexpected parts of my experience has been the sharing of what I did and saw with some of my more “vanilla” friends. At first, these friends from my old life were judgmental about me being part of such an unusual and sexual event. I used this as an opportunity to turn the conversation to higher ground, and explained that the underlying rule of Frolicon is no means no! “It’s a Libertarian paradise!” I explained. Additionally, as I tend not to hang around those who themselves would often be called normal, my friends realized their contradictions and their surprise at my exploration quickly turned to interest.

Frolicon was about living more authentically, which requires knowing who you are and respecting all that it takes to be true to yourself. You must know your own boundaries and moral code, thus breaking the codes that have been forced upon you. At the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, the most important shrine in ancient Greece, there were two pillars that read “Know thyself” and “Everything in moderation.” Everyone on this journey in life must decide – who are you and what do you live for?

Choosing one’s environment is a most crucial choice to make. What does your environment foster? Your authenticity? Or your submission to someone else’s authenticity? Sometimes, you must drastically change your environment to find who you are. While my vanilla friends were unwittingly encouraging me to stay the same and not do things that would make them uncomfortable, my personal growth requires resistance to the call of statism. Frolicon was just the environment I needed to support this new journey.

While my vanilla friends might beg to differ, I didn’t get too wild and crazy with my first experiences at the con. I attended classes on fisting vaginas, erotic penis massage, breast and cunt torture, and polyamory 101.

In each of the classes, I noticed how professional the trainers were. This made the experience feel both erotic and scientific. It brought my mind and body into a greater synchronicity than I am used to in sex, and was a great way to start off my sexy spring awakening!

There were more varieties of classes and events than I could list in this post. There were classes on everything from relationship skills and beginner rope tying classes to speed dating and extreme BDSM play. I tried to keep my experiences in the middle ground, and found Frolicon people in general to be very pleasant and non-threatening. The con felt like a safe place to explore sexuality without judgment or danger. I look forward to going back and possibly staying overnight next time.

Two events that caught my attention were The Dark Room and The Masturbation Party. I considered attending one or both of these and my partner/tour guide was willing to attend also. I admire her freedom and strong boundaries, she is quite the inspiration for me. I’m glad I offer her value as well and that we have a good trade in our relationship. Usually I am not a man who lets fear dictate my choices, but I did not have the courage for either of those events at my first con. It seems I have some more things to consider, and I like that! Perhaps next year, as I am even more authentic, I will open up a little more. Life is too short to hide, and Frolicon did indeed feel like a very safe place to explore my sexual identity.

One of the down sides of the event was the long lines to the elevator. There were many private parties happening in the private rooms, and I would have liked to take a tour. I suppose the choice of hotels available to host an event like this are limited, but the con staff made the best of the crowded lines with fun games to play and interesting things to see! The people watching was amazing!

The next event I will attend will be Atlanta Poly weekend in June. I am enjoying exploring the ethically non-monogamous aspect of sexuality as well as the kinky side. I look forward to writing a review of that as well.

Have a great summer, and strive to live more authentically.

Dan

Originally from New England, Dan is now living in Georgia as a business owner, philosopher and father of 2 fascinating people for the last 20 years. As a Libertarian speaker and leader, he was also a Georgia Lt. Gov. candidate. He is now living happily on Lake Lanier and is in 2 long term open relationships with amazing women.

Polyamory: Have your cake and eat it, too – Tia does Frolicon ATL

Marla Stewart — Sun, 20 Apr 2014 02:53:48 +0000

I hate that American idiomatic proverb, “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” Why not? What else are you supposed to do with cake, other than eat it? But, this expression accurately represents the pious monkey we carry around on our backs that discourages certain acts of pleasure. Of all the Saturdays to oversleep, my body chose this one and I missed the 11am cuddle party and massage demonstration. I arrived to Frolicon ATL just in time to catch the Polyamory class. I ducked under the leash of a collared submissive guarding the doorway and took a seat on a table, in the far back. Ms. Ann, the facilitator, stood at the front of the room with her hands perched at her hips. She was a cute, round woman with wild, curly red hair. She’d been in an open marriage for 17 years, and although that marriage had ended she continued to practice polyamory. Both of her male lovers were seated next to each other and her pregnant lover, who Ms. Ann vehemently denied knocking up, was at home. She started off by saying that she was not telling us the right or wrong way to live a poly/open lifestyle and that we could ignore everything she said, except one RULE: Open people should not date MONOGAMOUS people. Now, let’s proceed with talking points and ideas for open/poly couples:

Polyamory=Flexibility. Being in a poly relationship requires ongoing conversation and acknowledgement that feelings are fluid and changeable.
Communicate your desires and limits honestly to help specify a mutual destination.
How do you feel about Fluid Bonding and the STD risks that increase with each partner?
What are your social, emotional, and sexual needs and how will they be met. What influence will meeting those needs have on your relationship?
What is sacred in your relationship?
What are you willing to know about what your partners are doing with other partners?
DO NOT make rash decisions while you’re high on NRE (New Relationship Energy).
Jealousy. When it happens take a step back, and look at what triggered that response. Was it a thwarted expectation, breakdown in communication? Is your lover’s new partner hotter or younger than you?
You are responsible for your own happiness, and so is your partner. But in times of dejection commit to supporting your partner through those feelings.
Remember the heart has an infinite capacity for love, no one can be replaced and new partnerships do not decrease love for another partner.
Drop fear. Stop researching and reading about polyamory+open relating, and LIVE IT and have those uncomfortable, hard conversations.

Number 9 provided a missing piece for me. I realized early on that I was responsible for my own happiness, but failed to allow or give support. I’d ignore or dismiss my partner’s feelings of anger, pain, or sadness, since that was his problem. What a simple concept and easy question to ask, “Is there anything that I can do that will help you feel better, or what will make you more comfortable?” I’m not looking forward to the next emotional challenge, but I can’t wait to expand my communication and genuinely take interest in a resolution. And then I thought about what I love and hate about my open/poly lifestyle: Love- 1. I can be honest. I don’t have to lie to my boyfriend, even though because of some undiagnosed personality disorder I still, sometimes, do. 2. I love meeting and exploring new entanglements, while maintaining my primary relationship. The heart has an infinite capacity for love and I never have to choose between freedom and adoration. 3. I’m more accepting of other people’s lifestyle choices. V’s, triads, compound living, monogamy, cults, cross dressers, wizards and warlocks. My heart is bursting with love and acceptance and I spend far less time trying to understand other people’s choices. 4. My friend and family stock has increased 10 fold! So my lover’s lovers are my friends…and then now their kids are my semi-kids and those grannies and aunties belong to me! The family tree is complicated and no one will entrust me with picking up the children from day care…but my extended family has taken care of me in grave times of illness and despair. 5. I am learning to communicate beyond my wildest imagination. Ever had a 3 hour conversation about your feelings without kicking your lover in the chin and storming out of the house? I have, just recently. Hate- 1. Unlearning Jealousy – The non-hierarchical arrangements where relationships are not placed in order of importance clash with my princess syndrome symptoms. I must be number one, by command and when I say so. Poly life and being raised as an only child clash, BIG TIME. If my lover is spending time with someone else, I still WANT his full attention…which is impossible…AND I don’t give a damn. 2. Monogamous people don’t get it and they assume I’ve chosen this lifestyle so that I can have sex with any man I make eye contact with. A friend asked me, “What’s the point of having a relationship if you get to fuck other people?” “Do you think he really cares about you if he’s ok with you having sex with other men?” “Aren’t you afraid of catching xyz?” I haven’t come up with an appropriate well received answer, instead of wanting to yell “Fuck you very much.” 3. I still have a few lurking fears: Will I end up on Maury Povich, running off of the stage because my baby’s father is lover number 1, but I really wanted it to be lover number 2? How will I do this dual living situation if no one will cook or clean the bathroom? What if I wake up one day, and discover my poly lifestyle was an undesirable symptom of a brain tumor…what if I just plain change my mind? 4. Just because I love orange soda doesn’t mean I want to drink or taste yours…or…yes, I love socks, but I won’t steal your socks. In other words, just because I’m open, in NO WAY does this mean I want to date, sleep with or even share a sentence with, coworkers, friends, friends of friends, and the husbands and boyfriends of friends. I have boundaries! 5. I still hide. I hate that.

Tia Marie, aka the Vixen Voyager, hails from Houston, TX and has been in Atlanta for over 13 years. By day she serves as a manager for Branded Entertainment and Integrated Media. And by night…a creature of creativity: stage-manager, voyeur, event planner, writer, lover and juicer of strange veggies. She’s been navigating through the cross sections of eroticism, sensuality and social limits for nearly 10 years. While she holds a B.A in Mass Communications, she learned mostly from her peers and through practical play in elevators, swingers clubs, sensuality workshops/events and training. She’s equally soft and attentive and plans to take on Atlanta’s erotic scene and share her escapades. Her quenchless desires include sex, food and the supernatural. You can contact her at tia@velvetlipsllc.com.