2) Get Your Orgasm! – We all know that your brain is the biggest sex orgasm that you have, but a lot of us don’t know how to train our brains. A lot of us have become a little dependent on pornography to help us get turned on and achieve orgasm, but there’s a better use for porn. Instead of depending on it every day, look to porn only once in a while. When you go to porn every once in a while, it helps when you’re in a sexual situation and it’s taking you long to have that orgasm that you want. For instance, if you’re getting oral sex and it’s been taking quite awhile and you feel your partner getting tired, think about those clips that you watch every once in awhile. Although this bypasses your feeling of a possible whole-body orgasm, it does help you to get an orgasm that’s achievable and get it in real time and in a possible hurry. And this works great for quickies too!

3) Test Your Monogamy Level (or How To Be Monogamish) – Many of us believe in hot, monogamous relationships and many of us believe in multiple sexual and/or emotional relationships. However, a lot of people tell you that you can’t have both; but the reality is that you can have both of these things. Although, it’s a form of non-monogamy, being monogamish has all the benefits of being monogamous with the openness and excitement of being with other people. To test your monogamous limits, first you need to talk to your partner about the possibility of being with another person to see if your partner is open. Whether if your partner is open or not open, you can also ask your partner if they are open to going to a local sex club or to a local sex party. Going to a place where there’s open sex around might influence you in one way or another and even at the local sex party, you can discuss some rules while you are there. Coming up with “what if” situations might help to diffuse any tensions between you and your partner and potential sexual partners. In the meantime, you can enjoy each other while you’re there and let those moments sit with you. Overall, opening up the dialogue about potential sexual partners within your monogamous relationship might just spark that LTR sexual slump!

4) Apple Cider Vinegar, Anyone? – Having a healthy vagina is a necessary part of your overall well-being (that is if you have one, of course). Our vaginas tend to fluctuate in the amount of bad and good bacteria that we have, and the more acidic food that we intake, the more acidic our vaginas. The vagina is a naturally acidic environment, so eating alkaline foods are best for the vagina. But sometimes, we don’t eat the best foods for us or don’t properly check our diet to see if the food we eat is alkaline. However, there are some fluids that you can put in your vagina that will help with the balance of the bacteria. If you’re having unprotected sex with men who are free of sexually transmitted diseases, semen is alkaline and balances well in the vagina (unless you’re allergic to it, of course). However, if you’re not having unprotected sex with men, there are some practical ways to avoid the vagina from being too acidic. You can take a bath with sea salt or even dilute some apple cider vinegar and douche with it. You should only do this if you feel your vagina is starting to feel “off” (in other words, starts to smell different or becomes yeasty or itchy). These methods will help to get your vagina back into play and ready for the next journey!

5) Spank Your Mark! – Playing with toys can cost you a lot of money. Some of the best whips and paddles can be hundreds of dollars and if you don’t have that kind of money readily available for spending on products, it’s best to try to find some household products that can strike your fancy (literally!). Most people use wooden spatulas or spoons to use as a great striking instrument, but if you want to take it a step further and you have an extra $10 in your pocket, you can purchase the most basic ping pong rackets and make your own custom-signature paddle! Simply print out the mirror image of what you want your mark to look like (no bigger than a 3”x3” square), cut out the outline, trace it on your paddle and then proceed to carve in the paddle with a box cutter or something similar. And then “voila!” You have a brand new paddle with your personal mark, ready for high energy spankings and up close photos for proof!

Frolicon takes place every Easter weekend at an unassuming airport hotel in Atlanta. Surely the date is not a coincidence, as I can’t be the only attendee for whom the event was rebirth of sexuality after a long winter’s hibernation.

This was my first experience at such an event.  I was married and monogamous for over 20 years.  After the kids graduated college and the parenting was officially over,  my wife and I decided to split off and go down separate paths in order to make each of our lives more authentic.  As part of this task, I have been exploring parts of my sexuality that I packed up and put away while married.

Surprisingly, one of the most fun and unexpected parts of my experience has been the sharing of what I did and saw with some of my more “vanilla” friends. At first, these friends from my old life were judgmental about me being part of such an unusual and sexual event. I used this as an opportunity to turn the conversation to higher ground, and explained that the underlying rule of Frolicon is no means no! “It’s a Libertarian paradise!” I explained. Additionally, as I tend not to hang around those who themselves would often be called normal, my friends realized their contradictions and their surprise at my exploration quickly turned to interest.

Frolicon was about living more authentically, which requires knowing who you are and respecting all that it takes to be true to yourself.  You must know your own boundaries and moral code, thus breaking the codes that have been forced upon you.  At the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, the most important shrine in ancient Greece, there were two pillars that read “Know thyself” and “Everything in moderation.” Everyone on this journey in life must decide – who are you and what do you live for?

Choosing one’s environment is a most crucial choice to make.  What does your environment foster?  Your authenticity?  Or your submission to someone else’s authenticity?  Sometimes, you must drastically change your environment to find who you are. While my vanilla friends were unwittingly encouraging me to stay the same and not do things that would make them uncomfortable, my personal growth requires resistance to the call of statism. Frolicon was just the environment I needed to support this new journey.

While my vanilla friends might beg to differ, I didn’t get too wild and crazy with my first experiences at the con. I attended classes on fisting vaginas, erotic penis massage, breast and cunt torture, and polyamory 101.

In each of the classes, I noticed how professional the trainers were.  This made the experience feel both erotic and scientific.  It brought my mind and body into a greater synchronicity than I am used to in sex, and was a great way to start off my sexy spring awakening!

There were more varieties of classes and events than I could list in this post. There were classes on everything from relationship skills and beginner rope tying classes to speed dating and extreme BDSM play. I tried to keep my experiences in the middle ground, and found Frolicon people in general to be very pleasant and non-threatening.  The con felt like a safe place to explore sexuality without judgment or danger.  I look forward to going back and possibly staying overnight next time.

Two events that caught my attention were The Dark Room and The Masturbation Party.  I considered attending one or both of these and my partner/tour guide was willing to attend also.  I admire her freedom and strong boundaries, she is quite the inspiration for me.  I’m glad I offer her value as well and that we have a good trade in our relationship.  Usually I am not a man who lets fear dictate my choices, but I did not have the courage for either of those events at my first con.  It seems I have some more things to consider, and I like that!  Perhaps next year, as I am even more authentic, I will open up a little more.  Life is too short to hide, and Frolicon did indeed feel like a very safe place to explore my sexual identity.

One of the down sides of the event was the long lines to the elevator. There were many private parties happening in the private rooms, and I would have liked to take a tour. I suppose the choice of hotels available to host an event like this are limited, but the con staff made the best of the crowded lines with fun games to play and interesting things to see! The people watching was amazing!

The next event I will attend will be Atlanta Poly weekend in June. I am enjoying exploring the ethically non-monogamous aspect of sexuality as well as the kinky side. I look forward to writing a review of that as well.

Have a great summer, and strive to live more authentically.

Dan

When is the last time you tried to do a new sexual move to really turn your partner on? How invested are you into trying something new and different? 

​Sometimes, we all get a little stuck in doing the same things in bed over and over again and though it’s arousing at the time, the need to switch up happens to all of us. And of course, we all know the need of foreplay and its important role.

​However, what if you had an extensive type of foreplay? Or what if the foreplay was an intentional, consensual act that was named and boundaries were established and thought through thoroughly?

​For me, kink has those elements. It’s not just about being freaky, but really thinking about all your boundaries at hand. Most of us know what a little kink is – a spank here, a slap there, scratches everywhere. Or some of us might think that kink is a little more than we can handle and aren’t really prepared for where it might take our minds. 

​More recently, being kinky means that you are engaged in the BDSM world. BDSM stand for 

​|BD| – Bondage/Discipline
|Ds| – Domination/Submission
|SM| – Sadism/Masochism

​But at the same time, you don’t have to identify as a kinkster to engage in BDSM or do kinky things. Known BDSM behavior, such as spanking can be extremely titillating because there are so many feelings that are brought up during the interaction. You can reflect about how you feel about them spanking you, about your feelings of spanking someone else, what kind of memories it brings up and being focused enough to be absorbed in the moment. You can think about what your body parts feel like, what the pain and/or pleasure feeling that you’re experiencing or how you can stand to push yourself to your own erotic limits. 

​Teaching your lover about kink can be just as sexy. Thinking about how you want to engage with your lover and how you can inflict good pain that heightens your arousal levels will help you reach towards actively engaging with your sexual life. Knowing your lover’s limits and not knowing your lover’s limits can be an eye-opening experience, especially if you find yourself really loving to engage with your lover on a new level. 

​Being engaged with kink can also have the effects of healing past traumas as well. Active role-playing gets your place yourself where you know those hurtful feelings are harbored and move beyond them towards peace and healing in your own life. It’s only when we’re healed that we are able to heal others, especially on this journey called life. 

​So with that said, I encourage you to look into kink, participate in some kinky action and see what you like. We’re not all Fifty Shades of Grey, but it’s nice to get some redness and bruising every once in a while.