Get Aroused!

Marla Stewart — Thu, 06 Mar 2014 23:21:00 +0000

For some of you, the wind just has to blow and you are automatically excited and ready to have sex. For the rest of you, it might not come as easy. Maybe you’re having a “low-desire” episode in your life or maybe that new relationship energy has worn off and you aren’t as excitable as you used to be. A lot of people have tension around getting sexually aroused when they are partnered. And, I’ve also noticed that when someone isn’t partnered and they feel that they’ve lost their sexual mojo, it’s quite clear that they truly have.

Getting back your sexual energy requires patience, but once that cycle is up, it keeps spiraling up, so it’s good to have some strategies to increase your libido.

If you don’t have a steady lover, it’s good to masturbate and think about things that are pleasurable to you. If you have porn, use it every once in a while to help you get aroused; however, don’t get dependent on it because it actually changes your brain function. Think about the most pleasurable moments in your life that you felt sexually secure and genuinely sexy. In addition, it’s extremely sexy to have a passion in your life. No matter what it is, doing something with your life that you are passionate about helps your libido in all kinds of ways. Once people see how motivated you are by your passion, they also get inspired and that energy tends to resonate from the inside of you. For those of you who struggle to find your passion, take the time to figure it out. You will be glad you did.

Another way to get your sexual desire back is to create emotional bonds. The way you do that is by hugging people. And not just hugging them for a half second and patting them on the back; I mean, go in with two full arms tight and loving. Often times, we don’t hug people (like our coworkers) because of the fear of what they may think (or some fear of sexual harassment). Get over it the best way you can. When you hug people out of pure love (with no other intention), people feel it. And once you have created that emotional bond, it’s easier to talk to them and get to know them a little bit better than you knew what was possible.

If you have a steady lover, get those hugs in every day. And not just 2-second hugs. I mean 20-second hugs where you are holding tight, grabbing their butt and pushing it into your pelvis. Intensifying this hug jolts your sexual energy and helps you get back on the right track of your bringing together your sexual connection.

Make out/French kiss/Kiss tenderly with your partner at least once a week. Don’t kiss when you want to have sex, but rather kiss without any other intention. In addition to a passionate kiss at least once a week (which will turn into more), you need to make a kissing part of your routine. Whether it’s a kiss when you leave each other and come back again or whether it’s when you wake up and go to bed. Make kissing a part of your routine. That way, it won’t feel awkward when the passionate kissing happens. More likely, it will be an excitable kiss – especially since you have a nerve that connects your upper lip to your genitals.

Another way to bring up your arousal level is to do love proclamations. Not only does this mean saying “I love you” to your lover every day, but also acting out your love proclamations. What appeals to your lover the most as far as love desires. Do these and incorporate moments of erotic intentional touch. Sometimes it takes more work than anticipated, but remember, love is patient, so once you start acting and being ‘love,’ your partner will reciprocate those actions (without them really noticing, either!).

Do you have a sexy playlist that you like that makes you feel sexy every time? If not, create one! Music helps with releasing endorphins and helping you to reduce your amount of stress. In addition, the right music will get you in the mood. Whether it’s the melody or the lyrics, you can find the right song to stimulate you. If you want to take it a step further, think about a song that you and your partner made love to or danced to where you felt that fire. Thinking back to the times when you first got aroused by your partner also help to re-ignite some of those old sparks to get them to be active again.

The fact is, you have to put in a little bit of effort and have a little bit of patience if you want to ignite your sexual sparks. In today’s culture, we thrive on “instant” and if something takes too long, we tend to give up easily. My advice: take the time and don’t give up on the love for yourself and the love for other people. Leaving or giving up is the easiest route to go, but the rewards are greater when you get through obstacles instead of leaving the course.

5 Ways to Improve Your Sexual Relationship(s)

Marla Stewart — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 23:35:00 +0000

Over the course of the years, I’ve learned that many couples (and single folks, too) have a hard time realizing their own sexual identity. For those who work around sexuality, it can be easier, but at the same time, they can also struggle with their concerns surrounding their own sexuality. Many times we fault the lack of knowledge surrounding our own sexuality is due to communication issues, but what we don’t realize is that it’s the kind of communication that is needed to sustain a fulfilling sexual (and non-sexual) relationship. Here are some key ways to help your growth as a sexual being:

1) Define your sexual (relationship) identity. This is not an easy task. This means asking yourself (and whomever you are in a relationship with) questions like “What does ‘having good sex’ mean to you?” “How many times a week should I/we have sex?” “Do you expect to talk openly of your sexual wants, dislikes, joys, comfort, ideas?” These are just some of the questions that are necessary to define what you want your sex life to look like. Flushing these all out will get rid of a lot of problems because you’ve already discussed them.

2) Try to be open and make an effort to learn something new. A lot of people think that they are great in bed, and although this could be true, there’s always something new to learn and experience. Our world is full of new sexual possibilities each and every day, so there is no reason why you shouldn’t make the effort. If you want a great sex life, make it a great sex life and find something new that you could contribute to your own understanding of sexuality that can be easily shared with a lover.

3) Manage your intimacy. It’s a fact that some of us liked to be touched and some of us do not like to be touched. If you know yourself, you can manage your intimate time while still giving your lover something that they need. When both people like to touch, this is an easy task because you can touch or be touched all you want. However, when there is one person in the relationship that doesn’t receive much feeling from touch (by their own perception of themselves), it can be pretty difficult to build intimacy. Here’s some good touching advice: make it a rule to hug for at least 20 seconds a day (it’s a long hug or several hugs) and if you have a lover, always greet them or leave them with a meaningful and intentional kiss. This helps to sustain emotional and physical intimacy which are highly valued in most relationships.

4) Know your states of arousal. From low arousal activities to high arousal activities, you should know what turns you on and could get you to a point of orgasm. When you know these things, you can manage your sexual energy in ways that are helpful to you. For instance, say you see something or something you think of turns you on in an instant and you’re somewhere where you can’t relieve that sexual pressure or orgasm. You can try to do other activities that have no or little arousal levels to bring you down where you aren’t thinking about how your genitals are feeling. Maybe it’s a water cooler conversation or doing a few push-ups. Whatever it is, knowing WHAT it is, is the most important aspect of arousal.

5) Lead an exemplary life. Being a great example and sexual role model for your lovers will only help them to become better lovers themselves. When someone sees that you are doing something to make your life more exciting, they may try to chime in and contribute as well. When you become a catalyst for sexual understanding, it helps people to be at ease with you and express desires that they might not have thought about. In return, they can also help you to learn something about yourself as well. In addition, when you lead an exemplary life, you know ways to take care of yourself and that’s one of the most important things you can do to have a healthy, sustainable sexual relationship.

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Get Aroused!

5 Ways to Improve Your Sexual Relationship(s)